Sushant: A classic case study for live-in relationships

Before I go to Sushant's case, I will have to give you a background on my thought process. I belong to an era where the world (world around me) was changing. For my cousins, who were approximately 8-10 years elder to me, a love marriage was a difficult proposition. It would have never been accepted in the family. Exceptions were always there but more or less, people married the "arranged" way. Most schools were not "co-ed" and medium was mostly vernacular. I went to a co-ed and to an English medium school and it was widely accepted by then. By the time I went to college, having a boyfriend or girlfriend was not shocking although it was still called a "lafda".

Although the word lafda suggests an affair but frankly it was no way an affair. Maximum you can call it puppy love. In 90% cases there was no physical touch, not even hand holding involved.  Well at least that's my assessment and I could be wrong because I had no first hand experience. A live in relationship was unheard of. It was something which happened outside the borders of India. Love marriages were becoming increasingly common, however, the percentage was still low, my guess would be around 20%. Please note I am referring to the Maharashtrian community and Pune in general. 

As the century turned, live-in relationship slowly started gaining strength although they were hidden from families but soon Bollywood decided to throw the cover away and made it fashionable. Commoners followed suit and major metros in India started talking openly about it. 

With this background, I would like to resume to the topic of Sushant. This actor started his career and fell in love with a fellow actress and they started living together. 6+ years and it seemed a happy life. Both were highly successful. Money and fame followed. The girl started dreaming of a life forever with her love. She stuck with him when he decided that he wanted to shift from TV to movies and was out of work for almost 3 years till he got his big break. 

Life changed for him. The girl started dreaming of marriage and kids but the guy had different plans. For reasons best known to the couple they split, most probably because they wanted different things. Rumour also said there was another girl whom he was pursuing. Anyway, after the split, he didn't get the rumoured girl but he was supposedly honey trapped by a gold digger (yet to be proved). 

Classic case why I feel live-ins should be avoided. He had the girl he loved, who supported him in his decisions, who made him happy and everything was going his way. His life was beautiful but after a while once the initial euphoria was gone, love changed it's form as per the laws of nature. After the euphoria is gone, that is when partners start seeing beyond romance and beauty. The logical step is to become parents. In India, whether you like it or not, the whole family starts pressurising you to have a child. The child brings a whole new dimension to the relationship. You have responsibility and the whole family gets involved in bringing up the child. It is also the best time of your life. 

When a guy or girl gets whatever he/she wants with no strings attached and no responsibility whatsoever, he/she can easily move away from the commitment. In other cases (not Sushants), people are not even financially settled to take on responsibility. In a marriage, financial capability is the first thing parents look for in the prospective bride or groom. In a live in, no one will force the couple to have kids, which will happen if it were a marriage. If one person finds a new exciting possible partner what will stop that person from moving on? Sanskar?? No way. The very fact that the person went in for a live in, that itself suggests that the person is not bound by "Indian sanskar". The family too is either not a believer or the family no longer has any control over their son's/daughters life. I am not using the word 'control' in a bad sense. 

Finally what is a live in? It is a marriage without a signature. You are still doing everything (or at least expected to do) you would do in a marriage then why the escapist attitude of not signing on the paper. That paper is not a handcuff but it surely assures you security from a family perspective and legal perspective. In this whole scenario, if you get pregnant then who takes responsibility? The girl either has to abort or she suffers as a single parent since the escapist category will do just that...escape. Laws in India are very different than in say US. In fact being legally married would mean everyone will help you mend what has gone wrong. In US, guys shudder at the thought of a divorce. It can almost bring the guy on the streets. That's not how it is in India. The husband has to pay the wife an amount but the process is so long drawn that in most cases the wife just let's go of that amount if she doesn't have kids and is earning or has a financially sound family background. She prefers to get out of the misery than see the guy for so many years and relive the torture. There is still a social stigma attached. For girls, the biological clock is ticking. 

Every girl is not a gold digger and not every guy is Richie Rich. There is a big amount of compromise and adjustment that you need to do in a relationship whether in a marriage or in a live in. Only those who work on it, can make it a success. Having family support is a huge thing. You need a vent for your emotions and every time it need not be your partner who has to hear it. It can overcome almost all problems you face. So don't escape the responsibility. If you like someone, have the courage to commit to it. Have the will to invest in the relationship and make it work. Have the heart to think about someone before you think about yourself and if you have the qualities, you will never be afraid to sign on the dotted line. Don't be an escapist. Love changes it's colours. It's will never be romance all through. Life is not a bed of roses. You will have some lows in life. It's all about holding each other's hand and walking through the darkness but there definitely is light at the end of the tunnel.